Services | Sunday at FPC | Sermons | Podcasts | Home

Relationships that Honor the Lord

Sermon by Rev. Paul Fahnestock — July 13, 2008
 

Download: Relationships That Honor the Lord as an MP3 file
(right click and save as)

Recap
As we have studied Paul’s letter to the Colossians over the last six weeks, we have considered some wonderful truths about God: Christ is the visible image of the invisible God.

• God made peace with everything in heaven and on earth by means of Christ’s blood on the cross.
• We were dead in our sins, but now God has given us new life in Christ because he forgave all our sins.
• By the grace of God and by faith, we have entered into a vital, living union with Jesus Christ.
• Because we are in union with Christ, we are called by God to live differently and distinctly. These spiritual realities have practical implications.
• Your new life in Christ affects every relationship of your life — your relationship with God, with your family, in the workplace, and in the community.

Today, we will continue our study of Colossians and focus on the impact of union with Christ in relationship to a man and a woman in Christian marriage.

Marriage: God’s Idea
The idea of a man and a woman making a life-long commitment to each other does not seem to have the appeal it once had and is even disparaged by many as no longer a viable institution. Author Kent Hughes illustrates how even children seem to be losing the idea that marriage can be beautiful. He writes of a little girl who had just been to see the movie Cinderella. She began to explain the movie to an adult friend, who told the little girl, “I know what happens at the end!”

“Oh, you do? What happens?” asked the little girl.

The adult replied, “Well, the prince and Cinderella live happily ever after.”

The little girl looked surprised at the adult’s response and said, “Oh no, they didn’t. They got married.”

When we consider that half of all marriages — even Christian marriages — end in divorce, one has to wonder if the naysayers are right. But it has not stopped people from getting married. Why is that?

I believe it is because marriage was God’s idea from the beginning. People get married because marriage fulfills a God-ordained need for relationship between a man and a woman. With the relationship of marriage, God has given instructions on how to assemble it and how God intended for it to work, which, if read and followed, will bring joy within the marriage and honor to the Lord.

Let’s read what Paul had to say to the church in Colosse about this particular relationship:

Wives, submit to your husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord. Husbands, love your wives and never treat them harshly.

Colossians 3:18-19 (NLT)

Equality and Order
Paul’s first instruction concerning marriage is given to the wives. Wives are told to “submit to their husbands, as is fitting for those who belong to the Lord.”

For centuries women have struggled to have equality with men in society, in the workplace, and in the church. Right here in the USA, it was not until 1920 and the ratification of the 19th Amendment that women were given the constitutional right to vote.

A June 2008 report by the International Trade Union Confederation (ITUC) has revealed that gender pay inequality is prevalent around the world. The study shows that women in 63 countries across all age groups and industries are being paid on average 15.6% less than men, and educated women are experiencing the widest pay gap of all compared to their male counterparts.

And in the church, women have had to struggle to be recognized as pastors, teachers, elders, and deacons.

Women have a strong biblical basis for equality. We find it in verse 11 of this same chapter of Colossians: “In this new life [in Christ], it doesn’t matter if you are a Jew or a Gentile, circumcised or uncircumcised, barbaric, uncivilized, slave, or free. Christ is all that matters, and he lives in all of us.” More specifically, in a parallel passage in a letter written to the Galatians, Paul writes: “There is no longer Jew or Gentile, slave or free, male and female. For you are all one in Christ Jesus” (3:28).

Is there then some kind of contradiction in Scripture when the wife is commanded to submit to her husband? Does it mean women are equal in all spheres of life except as a wife? I believe the key is to understand there is a difference between the concept of women and men being equal in Christ and an “order” within a relationship that God has ordained. My challenge this morning is to try to help us understand this difference.

Biblical Submission
Pastor and author Phil Newton helps define biblical submission in his study of Colossians. He found that looking at what it is not helps us to get at what it is:

• Biblical submission is not an issue of inferiority or inequality on the part of the woman. We have already considered scripture which states there is neither male nor female, but all are one in Christ Jesus.
• Biblical submission is not a command for the husband to force his wife to submit to his will. First of all the text is addressed to the wife, not the husband. The decision to submit is the decision of the wife, and it is a voluntary decision on her part. Submission cannot be forced. If it is, it is slavery, which has nothing to do with biblical submission.
• Biblical submission does not mean submission to men in general. The parallel passage in Paul’s letter to the Ephesians makes this clear. There he states, “Wives, submit to your own husbands.”
• Biblical submission does not mean that there is no room for mutual discussion and the wife expressing concern or warning about a decision. The leadership role of the husband does not mean that he has all the answers or knows all the right decisions. A wise husband values and seeks the counsel of his wife and considers it necessary in the decision process.

Now, let’s consider what biblical submission is: Biblical submission can be compared to Jesus Christ’s relationship to the Father. Jesus declared, “I and the Father are one.” Jesus is never considered inferior to the Father, but he acknowledges his submission to the Father’s will. Jesus said that he always did those things which pleased the Father. There is equality in the Trinity and there is an order in the relationship of the Trinity; the Son submits to the Father.

Likewise, the woman and the man are equal before God in the relationship of marriage and God has established an order in marriage — the wife submits to the leadership of the husband. So why is it that what we consider a beautiful relationship between Christ and the Father is considered something negative in the context of wives to their husbands in marriage?

One reason is that God the Father perfectly loves God the Son. Therefore it is not difficult to envision the Son perfectly submitting to the Father. In the case of husbands and wives, even good Christian couples, we are imperfect, we make mistakes, and we hurt each other. This can really complicate simple faith and obedience in God’s plan for marriage. It’s our sin that complicates all relationships.

We also make the mistake of comparing God’s plan for marriage to messed-up models of marriage, as exemplified in TV shows like All in the Family. Remember Archie Bunker and his wife Edith? It was the #1 television series from 1971 to 1976. Archie was outspoken, a chauvinist, and prejudiced against everything and everyone who did not agree with his view of the world. Edith was the wife who almost always deferred to her always-opinionated husband. Archie frequently berated her, telling her to “stifle yourself” and calling her a “ding-bat.”

In one episode Edith decided to surprise Archie with something new and fancy for breakfast. She made him a soufflé instead of his regular eggs and bacon. When she served it to Archie at the table (and you can just imagine this), he told Edith he wouldn’t eat something he couldn’t even pronounce, and he demanded her to get rid of it and bring him his eggs and bacon. Daughter Gloria, a 1970s women’s libber, watched in disbelief as her mother dumped the soufflé in the trash and scurried around the kitchen fixing Archie’s breakfast, wanting to please him and appease him. Gloria indignantly observed out loud: “Submitting to him ... that’s what she is doing. Submitting to her ruler … her lord and master.” And Archie responded, “Ain’t that a nice way of putting it?”

I am sure there are plenty of Archie Bunkers in the world, but the All in the Family model of marriage has nothing to do with what is prescribed in Scripture, and its example cannot be applied to God’s plan for the marriage relationship.

A wife’s submission is, ultimately, an expression of her living under Christ’s lordship; as it states in our text, a wife’s submission is “fitting for those who belong to the Lord.” The decision of the wife to submit to her husband demonstrates her surrender to, and her faith and trust in, the Lord Jesus.

Agape Love
Husbands are addressed next. God instructs husbands to “love your wives and never treat them harshly.” Husbands, this is your God-ordained responsibility in marriage.

In the first century culture, a woman was a thing to be owned and without legal rights. A respectable woman lived a life of seclusion; she lived in the women’s quarters, and did not join her husband or other males for meals. She was expected to be subservient and chaste, but her husband could enter into as many relationships outside marriage as he liked. The husband was accorded all the privileges and the wife all the duties.

The teaching for wives to submit to their husbands would have surprised no one in the first century, but the instruction for the husband to love his wife would have caused quite a stir. This was a radical departure from the cultural norm. Paul’s command to love far exceeded what was common in a first century marriage. Paul did not use the Greek term “eros” which we translate for sexual love. That would have made perfect sense to the first century Roman or Jewish man. Rather, Paul used the term “agape” — a sacrificial, selfless, giving kind of love — which was an attitude completely foreign to the Roman and Jewish husbands of the first century. But it is not only the first century husband who needed to learn about agape love; every generation of husbands must understand God’s will for them in the marriage relationship.

Agape love is a love where the husband is committed to total unselfishness. In a parallel passage in the Letter to the Ephesians, Paul wrote: “Husbands, this means love your wives, just as Christ loved the church. He gave up his life for her” (Ephesians 5:25). Loving your wife demands sacrificial giving to your wife, as Christ “gave himself” for the church.

It’s one thing for a husband to consider how he would give his life to protect his wife, but I believe the real test comes when we husbands consider giving our lives day-by-day, adjusting our schedules, our careers, our hobbies and outside interests for our wives. I believe we have to ask ourselves, “Am I, as a husband, willing to sacrifice my energy, my time, my goals, and my interests in my wife’s best interest?”

In the Harry S. Truman Library in Independence, Missouri, there is an archive consisting of 1,300 letters. They are letters written by Harry Truman to his wife Bess — one for every day they were apart over a fifty year period. It is amazing to think about a President of the United States who, in the midst of traveling, meeting dignitaries and heads of state, and carrying on the hectic schedule of world affairs, took the time to sit down to write to his wife. I believe that is a good example of day-to-day agape love.

I have visited a long-time member of First Presbyterian over the last four years. His name is William “Babe” Miller and he is 95 years old. Babe’s eyesight has been deteriorating, he needs his hearing aids to carry on a conversation, he is not as steady on his feet as he used to be, and his memory is not as dependable. His beloved wife, friend, and partner Lorraine died just over four years ago, after 65 years of marriage. Babe’s love for his wife is one memory that has not faded. When we are talking, all I have to do is bring up the subject of what a wonderful life Babe and Lorraine had together, and Babe’s eyes light up. And I know what Babe is going to say. He always gets around to it. He will tell me what he used to say to Lorraine: “Hunsie (for that’s what he called her), have I told you lately that I love you?” And Hunsie would always respond, “Yes, dear, you have.” I love to hear Babe tell this story. It’s a great example of day-to-day agape love.

Let’s consider briefly the second half of the verse to husbands: “Husbands love your wives and never treat them harshly.” Precisely because the wife is instructed by the Lord to submit to her husband, the husband is instructed to treat her well. Submission is a vulnerable position and subject to abuse, but even as the Lord commands submission of the wife to her husband, he commands that the husband not mistreat his wife with harsh words or physical abuse, but treat her tenderly and with affection.

I believe when a husband loves his wife as Christ loved the church — a deep love, a true love, a sacrificial love, a day-to-day love — then it is likely he will have a wife who desires to submit to him. Likewise, when a wife submits to the leadership of her husband as the church submits to the leadership of Christ, then it is likely the husband will assume his responsibility.

Obedience to Christ
I recognize there may be wives in this service the morning whose husbands are not with them and who have no interest in the church. There may be husbands in the same situation.

Some wives may have an Archie Bunker for a husband, and it’s up to you to decide to submit to a husband who does not know or care about agape love. Your obedience to Christ may be the catalyst to his spiritual transformation.

Some husbands may have a wife who refuses to acknowledge the scriptural leadership of the husband, and it’s up to you to decide to love your wife. Your obedience to Christ may be what convinces her otherwise.

Husbands, your decision to love your wife demonstrates your surrender to, and your faith and trust in, the lordship of Jesus in your life. Unselfish, sacrificial agape love is only possible by the grace of God in your union with Christ and as you grow and mature in that relationship. And a wife’s submission to her husband is only possible by the grace of God in her union with Christ as her Savior and Lord and her continued growth and maturity in Christ.

In our union with Christ, all relationships — husband and wife, parents and children, employer and employees, government authorities and citizens — will have their own requirements of obedience to God’s instructions in order to be relationships that honor the Lord. Each of these relationships represents a topic for a future sermon.

The bottom line is that you are responsible, in all your relationships, for your own surrender and obedience to the Lord Jesus Christ. I believe it’s what Paul meant when he wrote, “Whatever you do or say, do it as a representative of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks through him to God the Father” (Colossians 3:17).