Sixty-six percent of kids who grow up in church won’t stay in church.

A recent Barna survey discovered that two-thirds of emerging adults (18- to 29-year-olds) who grew up attending church will eventually walk away from their faith. Some will return, some will remain involved in a church nominally or on the fringe, while others will stay away for good. This trend might sound familiar. You may have children, grandchildren, friends, or family members who grew up in the faith but have now wandered away.

There is, however, a note of hope. While 66 percent of emerging adults leave the church, 10 percent defy this trend. This 10 percent group of young adults is what we might call “resiliently faithful.” They have a robust Christian faith. They believe Jesus was crucified and raised again in order to conquer sin and death. They affirm that the Bible is the inspired Word of God. They are involved in their churches; they attend worship services and participate in other ministries. Despite the tension between church and everyday life, nearly four million people in this demographic keep showing up and prioritizing their faith. While many Christian young adults spend at least some time disconnected from the body of Christ, what about those who stay? What makes the 10 percent resiliently faithful, and how can we at First Church give our children the best chance to become part of that 10 percent?

When the Barna survey asked why these resilient disciples remained involved in church, two specific aspects of their upbringing in the church stood out: intergenerational  relationships and an authentic community within their congregation. These two elements were central to the group remaining connected to the church and helped them in further developing an intimate and foundational relationship with Christ. These two aspects functioned as spiritual scaffolding for these young Christians. We might describe these foundational elements as intergenerational relationships and a welcoming community.

Intergenerational relationships are meaningful relationships across generations—mature believers nurturing and mentoring the young. Young Christians desire and long to emulate relationships with more seasoned believers. Emerging adults don’t necessarily cite vibrant youth groups or strong children’s ministry programs as reasons for staying connected to the church. While these are valuable, they are often not enough to develop meaningful relationships. Instead, the 10 percent talked about the church as being like family—a place of belonging.

The other key aspect was a warm community. Warm goes beyond nice. A warm community surrounds one with supportive, authentic relationships. It is a congregation that is welcoming, accepting, and caring, and offers a sense of belonging and inclusion. Churches with warm congregations exemplify faithfulness that young believers can follow.

Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me,
and do not hinder them, for the kingdom of heaven
belongs to such as these.”
Matthew 19:14

The value of intergenerational relationships and a warm community are not new to us at First Church. These values are in our vision statement: “First Church is called to be a healthy, intergenerational, flagship church.” One way we seek to accomplish this goal is through Family Worship Sundays. One Sunday each month, children join us at the beginning of the worship service, and 3rd through 5th graders stay for the full service rather than leaving for Sunday school. They are welcomed into the broader church community. These Sundays allow the community to support our children in practicing their faith and train them in what it means to actively participate in a worship service. By welcoming them at a young age, the hope is that children will begin to experience the warm community First Church offers and develop intergenerational relationships that will help build a resilient faith. It tells them, “We care about you. We want this to be a safe place where you feel welcomed and at home. You’re part of the family.”

Now, there’s only one big problem: it’s not easy! It is not easy to worship together. Children might have a difficult time following what’s going on in the service. It is hard for the congregation, who might be distracted by wiggles and noises. Perhaps it is the hardest for parents who are trying to manage their little ones. It would be much easier to send  children off to Sunday school and leave worship to the adults, but research shows that sending children off to their own classes doesn’t help them become resiliently faithful. What helps them is building relationships with adults and being welcomed into an authentic church family. We trust that God’s Spirit communicates what each person, even each child, needs to hear during a worship service and that God uses every aspect of the service to draw people toward Him.

It may not be easy to worship together, but it is immensely valuable. Building resilience is not something that just happens; it requires time, energy, commitment, and hard work. Being intergenerational is not without its hardships. But being intergenerational is how we form resilient disciples for Jesus Christ among the children He sends to us. When we put in the effort with intentionality, we develop a lasting foundation for children to have a lifelong relationship with Jesus and the church. This is, after all, the body of Christ.

by Children’s Ministry Coordinator Kim Brodie